I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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