Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It was like giving head to a cactus.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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