I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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