3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
