her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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