the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
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Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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