i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm at about main and main street
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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