Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
