Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
