I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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