I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
