loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
