a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
