come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
