never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
