oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
