is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
