just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
