I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
