don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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