i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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