I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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