you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
