Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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