Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
