Me too!
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
