He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
