I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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