just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is her dick bigger than yours?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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