It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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