the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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