I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
