the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The power of my boobs compel you
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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