do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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