Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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