Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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