glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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