It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
