I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
