its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
tell me about the eggs
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
