Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
So many bounce houses so little time
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Randomize
