Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Last time i carry you out of a forest
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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