he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
