i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Can I color on your dick again?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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