Already got asked if we're dating
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
