Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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