I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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