Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
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