walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
