Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
