i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
