u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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