we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
