So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
