I cockslap morals
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize