doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
