Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
