White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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