Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
