i was rollin on her like bob the builder
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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