3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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