Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I woke up under a house in Key West
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
