just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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