Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
