I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
