I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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