Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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