My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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