Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
