Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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