i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
