If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
