I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
