Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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