i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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