so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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