i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Randomize
