imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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