Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
