I feel like I'm in dance class right now
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
